How is it, Lord...?

How is it that I can read Your word and cry? How is it that I know the Roman's Road and have led others to You? How is it that I can know what is to be done to please You yet do not those things? How is it that I can ask You to be my Savior and Lord and yet cry in fear of being barred from entering Your heavenly kingdom?

Do I have so much doubt in myself, for I know the fault is not in You? Your promises are true and You have not, and cannot, break a promise. It is a failure in me to believe, not in Your ability to provide. It is a failure in me to follow, not in Your desire to lead. I know that Your way is the only way. Why then do I doubt my inclusion in Your eternal promise?

Have I've known Your truth too long to feel that I have truly made that most important decision in my heart, that You are the Son of God, that You are the way, the truth and the life? I have known all my life that You are all of these things. In asking You into my heart, to be my Savior, I feel that I've always known You and doubt that I have truly come to know You. I know salvation is not based on what I feel, but on what You have done. It is not by my power that I am saved but by Your sacrifice at Calvary.

I am in the hand of the Lord, where no man may pluck me out. I am a part of God's family because He has made me so, not because of anything I've done other than to believe in Jesus, God's only begotten Son, to believe that He is, and that He is the only begotten of the Father. That is all I need do, yet it is not all I should desire to do.

I should desire to serve, to bring others to Christ, to labor in His fields ripe unto harvest. I should desire to become more like Him. I should desire to speak only words He would approve of, think only thoughts that He would be pleased by, walk in His ways. Meditate day and night upon His word, hiding His word in my heart for out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh.

Minutes after writing this, I had the opportunity to lead a friend to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. I don't know if she was completely sincere in her prayer but that is between her and the Lord. I thank Jesus that He has given me the opportunity to be a part in this. I feel blessed.